Well, I guess this is something that God is really laying on my heart lately. I found this blog I wrote about a month ago, but saved it as a draft. I thought I would share. It seems to be the theme I have going right now!
My family attends a church that is held in a middle school. I have to say, I love this middle school. Everywhere, hanging on the walls, are signs and sayings that reemphasize that bullying is not tolerated. It is such a shame that the concept of bullying continues today...and even more so awful at how many different ways there are to be bullied these days.
When I was growing up, I experienced being bullied. It was always subtle, so I often wondered if I imagined it or if I had done something to warrant it. Although... as I've grown up I have come to the understanding that NO Bullying is acceptable, regardless of the situation.
I was never one in the popular group at school. I kind of marched to the beat of my own drum, but not in the cool way like they portray it on television... but the ackward, kinda reserved type of way. Now, don't get me wrong. I tried my hardest to fit in. I played volleyball, wrote for the literary magazine, sold ads for the school newspaper, took a photography class, and I loved God. Not exactly the recipe for coolness, but I had a good time. However, I had a few people in my life that made lasting impressions on me because of the unkind words that were spoken. I was made to feel an outcast and unwanted. Which, I must be honest - didn't do much to help boost my self-esteem. It wasn't until I was an adult I was able to put the words behind me and not let them dictate how I felt about myself.
I consider myself fortunate that I was able to move past it - but others aren't so fortunate. The phrase, "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is one of the largest lies out there! Words do hurt...and they can cut as deep as stones.
In our time period bullying has become such a big ordeal. It's become so easy - cyber bullying - texting, facebook, email, myspace, picking on the weaker kids in school, etc. It is easy to ask why... but have we stopped to see where the bullying begins? Why do kids think it's ok? Where have they learned this behavior?
Let's take a minute to think back to when 'we' (the grownups) were growing up. I was in elementary school in the 80's. Life seemed so much simplier then. You remember... no cell phones, we came home when the street lights came on, if you got in trouble in school - it was worse when you got home. We made mud pies and rode our bikes all over town. If it was a special occasion, Mom and Dad would rent us a VCR and some movies from the movie rental place. I don't remember taking much for granted (I'm sure I did, but I can't recall).
It was my parents, my Sunday School teachers, my teachers, my friends' parents that instilled and reinforced positive behavior. I learned to treat others the way I wanted to be treated (The Golden Rule...Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.) There were so many other lessons they taught me, but I bring that one up nearly every day. Even when talking to my step-sons - reminding them daily to treat others the way they want to be treated.
Do they want people teasing them? Making fun? Calling them names? Lying to them? Of course...the answer is no. We then will ask, if the situation calls for it, they why did they do that to someone else?
We, as parents, need to step up and be the positive example in our children's lives so they know they are special and loved. It is often said that those that are deprived of that, tend to make others feel lower than themselves.
I guess the question is what can we do to step up, do Random Acts of Kindness and teach the younger generation how to build people up instead of tearing them down.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
"Popular...you're gonna be pop-u-lar!"
I don't know about you, but my grade school and high school years weren't my most favorite years. Please don't get me wrong, there were things I truly enjoyed but I personally didn't fit in very well. I remember getting along with the teachers and student teachers much easier than I did with the other kids. In sixth or seventh grade I would go in to school early every morning to boot up the computers in the computer lab. I would then sit at the computers and type up my creative writing stories. I really enjoyed the life in my stories better than real life. Probably because in my stories the girl that went unseen often got the cute boy in school to like her. I had a different view on school. I enjoyed the school work and had a few friends that I spent time with. And as much as I wanted to be the one into the latest fads and coolest gadgets, our family budget didn't allow for such luxuries. I got along ok, but there was always that part of me that longed to be popular.
Then my eighth grade year happened. One of the popular girls started talking to me. Now, mind you, she and I were friends when we were younger: would have sleep overs, get togethers, celebrate birthdays, etc. But as we grew up - we had drifted apart into different circles. UNTIL 8th grade. All of the sudden, she was inviting me over again. She gave me some of her clothes she had outgrown, and I just thought were the COOLEST things ever! Then her friends started in. They would write me notes that we would pass in the hallway, I was invited to their birthday party celebrations, I got to hang out with the 'cool kids' at the Cov (a Friday night hang out spot).
However... I was my own worst enemy. I think I self proclaimed myself an outsider and was taken aback by the attention that was being given. I was terrified it would go away. So, I started throwing myself pity parties...you know what I mean, every time the girls got together and were involved in something fun - I would sit in the corner and wimper and cry about my 'hard' life. In hindsite I was a goof. I can't even remember what was so 'hard' about my life that I could cry about it. But in the moment, I saw it got me attention so I thought I needed it to continue. The girls gave me make overs, gave me clothes, etc. I thought I was the coolest. I was invited to attend the Valentine's Day dance and a boy I had a crush on had his picture taken with me. I was so excited. I began hanging out with those girls more than I did my consistent friends. Then the 8th grade school year ended. I was so excited for summer break but even more excited for freshman year. I was going to start High School AND be friends with the coolest, most popular kids in school.
First day of Freshman Year... I walked down the hall with such confidence. I was wearing one of the shirts that a girl had given me, I was pumped. Until I walked through the hallway and not a one of the popular crowd even acknowledged me. I was stunned. What happened in those two-three months of being off of school? It took me a little bit to figure it out that in eighth grade I had probably been a pet project of the cool kids, to see if they could make me popular by association. I wasn't a challenge anymore in high school, so that part of my journey ended. I don't know if that was true or not, but that is how I perceived it.
Now, please hear me, I wouldn't change that 8th grade year for anything. I learned valuable lessons, made great memories and had a lot of fun. In hindsite though, I probably won't stake my entire life's happiness on what happened that year. :)
I learned that year, you have to like who you are before others can truly like you! I also learned I have to see me as God sees me, not as the world says I am or what I personally think of myself. I always wanted to fit into the cool crowd, but I didn't enjoy a lot of the same things they did. I loved my alone time - reading, writing fiction stories and poetry, church youth camp, music, playing with toys, ultimately - being a kid. People wanted to be around me because I was fun and entertaining - but I threw that away and became the downer of the party. No one wants to be around that type of negativity.
So, freshman year I went back to my friends, my real friends, and apologize for any way that I had mistreated them the previous year. They were eager to forgive and we moved on. Oh, the value of a true friend.
I was at church the other day (We attend a church that is held in a middle school) and I saw a quote on the wall. It said, "Respect lasts forever! Popularity ends on yearbook day." Oh how true that statement is! I wish I would have heard that back in middle school myself. I love that this particular school is teaching that to young kids.
Learning to respect yourself, like yourself, is vital to a person's happiness and also to their determination not to pick on kids, be a bully and put others down to make themselves feel better. In my schooling I experienced some of that - being put down, made fun of. Afterall I was the girl who wore hand me downs, was very niave and didn't always say the coolest things. But after 8th grade, I began to respect who I was. I can't guarantee I was always happy and cheerful, but I started to become ok with who I was.
Now, fast forward 18 years. (Yes, that is how long I have been out of school.) I have reconnected with friends on facebook and at our reunions, and do you know what I've found out. Those kids in my class in school - are human. They have things about school they would have changed, they perceived things one way, which caused me to make assumptions and perceive things a different way) which may not have always been true. Amazing things would have happened earlier if we could have and would have been honest with everyone and communicated. Time passed and our class grew up. We are now husbands and wives, moms and dads, business owners, teachers, chaperones of 8th grade dances and parties. And do you know what we realize (or that I realize) - We say the same things our parents said and do similar things they did. Time and experience made them wise and the same has happened of my school friends. We realize that we acted petty, we mistreated others to help boost our own self esteem, we took forgranted our childhood and how simple things were.
I encourage you to be that person that is friendly to everyone... so when 18 years passes, you are the one that when nostalga kicks in and in conversations your peers say, "Yeah, He/She was always nice to people - whether they ran in their crowd or not." I still remember those people who were kind regardless, and it's their lives I look at and see God living victoriously.
Matthew 7:12
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets
Be Blessed!
Then my eighth grade year happened. One of the popular girls started talking to me. Now, mind you, she and I were friends when we were younger: would have sleep overs, get togethers, celebrate birthdays, etc. But as we grew up - we had drifted apart into different circles. UNTIL 8th grade. All of the sudden, she was inviting me over again. She gave me some of her clothes she had outgrown, and I just thought were the COOLEST things ever! Then her friends started in. They would write me notes that we would pass in the hallway, I was invited to their birthday party celebrations, I got to hang out with the 'cool kids' at the Cov (a Friday night hang out spot).
However... I was my own worst enemy. I think I self proclaimed myself an outsider and was taken aback by the attention that was being given. I was terrified it would go away. So, I started throwing myself pity parties...you know what I mean, every time the girls got together and were involved in something fun - I would sit in the corner and wimper and cry about my 'hard' life. In hindsite I was a goof. I can't even remember what was so 'hard' about my life that I could cry about it. But in the moment, I saw it got me attention so I thought I needed it to continue. The girls gave me make overs, gave me clothes, etc. I thought I was the coolest. I was invited to attend the Valentine's Day dance and a boy I had a crush on had his picture taken with me. I was so excited. I began hanging out with those girls more than I did my consistent friends. Then the 8th grade school year ended. I was so excited for summer break but even more excited for freshman year. I was going to start High School AND be friends with the coolest, most popular kids in school.
First day of Freshman Year... I walked down the hall with such confidence. I was wearing one of the shirts that a girl had given me, I was pumped. Until I walked through the hallway and not a one of the popular crowd even acknowledged me. I was stunned. What happened in those two-three months of being off of school? It took me a little bit to figure it out that in eighth grade I had probably been a pet project of the cool kids, to see if they could make me popular by association. I wasn't a challenge anymore in high school, so that part of my journey ended. I don't know if that was true or not, but that is how I perceived it.
Now, please hear me, I wouldn't change that 8th grade year for anything. I learned valuable lessons, made great memories and had a lot of fun. In hindsite though, I probably won't stake my entire life's happiness on what happened that year. :)
I learned that year, you have to like who you are before others can truly like you! I also learned I have to see me as God sees me, not as the world says I am or what I personally think of myself. I always wanted to fit into the cool crowd, but I didn't enjoy a lot of the same things they did. I loved my alone time - reading, writing fiction stories and poetry, church youth camp, music, playing with toys, ultimately - being a kid. People wanted to be around me because I was fun and entertaining - but I threw that away and became the downer of the party. No one wants to be around that type of negativity.
So, freshman year I went back to my friends, my real friends, and apologize for any way that I had mistreated them the previous year. They were eager to forgive and we moved on. Oh, the value of a true friend.
I was at church the other day (We attend a church that is held in a middle school) and I saw a quote on the wall. It said, "Respect lasts forever! Popularity ends on yearbook day." Oh how true that statement is! I wish I would have heard that back in middle school myself. I love that this particular school is teaching that to young kids.
Learning to respect yourself, like yourself, is vital to a person's happiness and also to their determination not to pick on kids, be a bully and put others down to make themselves feel better. In my schooling I experienced some of that - being put down, made fun of. Afterall I was the girl who wore hand me downs, was very niave and didn't always say the coolest things. But after 8th grade, I began to respect who I was. I can't guarantee I was always happy and cheerful, but I started to become ok with who I was.
Now, fast forward 18 years. (Yes, that is how long I have been out of school.) I have reconnected with friends on facebook and at our reunions, and do you know what I've found out. Those kids in my class in school - are human. They have things about school they would have changed, they perceived things one way, which caused me to make assumptions and perceive things a different way) which may not have always been true. Amazing things would have happened earlier if we could have and would have been honest with everyone and communicated. Time passed and our class grew up. We are now husbands and wives, moms and dads, business owners, teachers, chaperones of 8th grade dances and parties. And do you know what we realize (or that I realize) - We say the same things our parents said and do similar things they did. Time and experience made them wise and the same has happened of my school friends. We realize that we acted petty, we mistreated others to help boost our own self esteem, we took forgranted our childhood and how simple things were.
I encourage you to be that person that is friendly to everyone... so when 18 years passes, you are the one that when nostalga kicks in and in conversations your peers say, "Yeah, He/She was always nice to people - whether they ran in their crowd or not." I still remember those people who were kind regardless, and it's their lives I look at and see God living victoriously.
Matthew 7:12
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets
Be Blessed!
Friday, July 6, 2012
What to wear? What to wear...
What to wear? What to wear...
I've always been a late bloomer. At first I hated it but I have now grown to love that aspect of my character. I was always the littliest kid in my class in elementary and middle school. When I got my driver's license I was 4'8" and weighed 98lbs. I am the second girl in a family with three girls - so you can imagine I had 'middle kid' syndrom and lived off my sister's hand-me-downs. I felt doomed from the beginning. :( Well - About my Junior/Senior year I finally started to "look" like a girl, yet it seemed to be years behind all the other girls. I really struggled with that.
I suffered from low self-esteem. I wanted more than anything to have a boyfriend and to have the popular crowd to think I was worth their time. I didn't go on my first date until I was 16 years old. And the guy that asked me was really more interested in my best friend. He had asked me out on a date (even drove to my house to ask in person), but I told him I already had plans with my friend. He went to the trouble to find her a date so we could double date. I was so excited until he spent all his time with her, paid her way and even sent her flowers afterwards telling her what a great time he had had. I struggled a lot with that type of treatment.
I couldn't wait to go to college. I longed for a fresh start. When I started freshman year in college, I made a few friends very quickly in my freshman seminar class. I really started paying attention to my appearance and lost about 25-30 lbs, cut off my hair and got contacts. I immediately felt better about myself and people were attracted to my confidence. (Had I known that was the trick all along, I would have been more confident in high school!). Well, here is where my new found confidence turned into self-sabotage. See, I didn't just gain confidence in myself - I started to think myself better than others. My attitude started to stink. All I wanted to do was gain the attention of the guys in school. I started to keep track of the boys I kissed and kind of made it a game.
I was so proud of my new figure so I went out and bought a bunch of new clothes. But instead of wearing what was attractive on me - I wore what revealed the most. I figured... "If you've got it, flaunt it." It got the the point I was wearing extremely inappropriate clothing just to turn guy's heads. Trust me, I got the attention - but it wasn't the type of attention I wanted. I wanted someone to like me for me but all they could see is the fact that they didn't have to use their imagination when it came to what I looked like.
Then the day came where my mom, older sister and my best friend sat me down in my bedroom and had an intervention with me about how I was dressing. I was attracting guys for all the wrong reasons and those guys had the wrong intentions toward me. Mom shared that God desired purity for me - and from by the way I was dressing I was causing the guys to stumble with impure thoughts and that I would be held accountable for that. They also talked to me about how I was not only revealing my flesh but I was revealing what I felt I was worth. Which for someone who just longs for male attention and dresses to 'get glances', it shows I felt I wasn't worth a real relationship - but only a moment of attention, flirtation and temporary good feelings. I battled them that day. I kept saying they were jealous, that they didn't want me to have any fun, and that I looked good and was going to wear what I wanted to. But then I realized that if my family and best friend was telling me that I looked in appropriate, that meant - in basic terms- they didn't like my outfit. YIKES! For a girl who wanted approval, wearing what I knew wasn't appealing, I was making my family and friends uncomfortable too.
I had convinced myself that I needed to look, slutty - for the lack of a better term, in order to feel better about myself.
Even now - 18 years later, I've watched society tell warped stories to the young men and women of our time. They think they have to wear the short shorts, crop tops, revealing bra straps and cleavage. Some men make the girls feel they have to dress that way to have worth. When I lived in Ukraine back in 2004, we saw so many young women dressing inappropriately. In their culture, they were told one of their only purposes was to find a man and get married. When the Ukrainian College kids came to our camp to learn conversational english, we gave them all a camp t-shirt and made an extra effort to tell the girls (especially the guys on our leadership team) of how beautiful they looked when they were appropriately dressed. We noticed throughout the week the way the girls would change how they dressed! God was faithful and used the guys and girls on our team to teach those girls that they didn't have to dress immodestly to gain attention. They were beautiful just as they were.
I watch young girls now dressing to gain attention - and men only giving them that attention when they are dressed smutty. Men - please step up and let those girls know that they are beautiful wearing modest clothing, not just giving them attention when they look inappropriate. Fathers, it starts with you - reminding your girls they are beautiful inside and out. take them on Daddy-Daughter dates to teach them how they should expect to be treated! (And if a Daddy isn't in the picture - find a man from your church that would be willing to reach out to your daughter). Mothers - remind your daughters that their beauty is internal and once it exists there - it will pour to the outside. And Mothers - take your sons on dates. Teach them how they should treat a lady. It truly starts at home.
And most importantly ... What does God say on this matter? I found this on Focus on the Family's Website...
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
What it means: You are created in the image of God, and God doesn't make junk! Like a snowflake, every person is unique. No two are the same. God sees you as a masterpiece; and when you look in the mirror, He wants you to "know that full well." Try this beauty tip: Every morning when you look in the mirror, say Psalm 139:14 and smile. You might even tape the verse on your mirror as a reminder!
What it means: The world focuses on what people look like on the outside. God focuses on what people look like on the inside. Do you put more time and effort into being pretty on the outside or the inside? As you get older, you will meet Christian girls who spend more time trying to find the perfect outfit, get the perfect tan, find the perfect lip gloss, and have the perfect body. While there's nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty, we need to make sure it's in balance. God would rather see us work on becoming drop-dead gorgeous on the inside. You know, the kind of girl who talks to Him on a regular basis (prayer) and reads her Bible.
What it means: Beauty fades with age, so if you are more concerned with your outer appearance, you will be unhappy when the wrinkles come and the number on the scale goes up. In fact, did you know that your body may show the beginning signs of aging as early as age twenty? That is why God wants us to "fear" Him. That doesn't mean to be afraid of Him but rather to be in awe of Him and all that He has done. Let me put it to you this way. If you stand two girls next to each other and one is Miss Teen USA whose beauty is limited to physical beauty, and the other young lady is a more average-looking girl who loves the Lord more than anything, she is the more beautiful girl in the eyes of God.
What it means: This does not mean it's wrong to braid your hair or wear nice clothes and jewelry. The verse was written to warn women not to follow the customs of some of the Egyptian women who, during that time period, spent hours and hours working on their hair, makeup, and finding the perfect outfit. God would rather see women work on becoming beautiful on the inside — the kind of beauty that lasts forever.
What it means: Exercising and staying in shape is a good thing, but God expects us to stay in shape spiritually by reading our Bibles, praying, and going to church on a regular basis. In other words, there will be plenty of people who put their time and effort into staying in shape but who are out of shape spiritually. If they don't know Jesus Christ, their perfect bodies won't get them through the gates of heaven.
Learn to love you for You as God sees and loves you! Afterall - He holds our eternity!
Be Blessed!
In Christ,
Heather
I've always been a late bloomer. At first I hated it but I have now grown to love that aspect of my character. I was always the littliest kid in my class in elementary and middle school. When I got my driver's license I was 4'8" and weighed 98lbs. I am the second girl in a family with three girls - so you can imagine I had 'middle kid' syndrom and lived off my sister's hand-me-downs. I felt doomed from the beginning. :( Well - About my Junior/Senior year I finally started to "look" like a girl, yet it seemed to be years behind all the other girls. I really struggled with that.
I suffered from low self-esteem. I wanted more than anything to have a boyfriend and to have the popular crowd to think I was worth their time. I didn't go on my first date until I was 16 years old. And the guy that asked me was really more interested in my best friend. He had asked me out on a date (even drove to my house to ask in person), but I told him I already had plans with my friend. He went to the trouble to find her a date so we could double date. I was so excited until he spent all his time with her, paid her way and even sent her flowers afterwards telling her what a great time he had had. I struggled a lot with that type of treatment.
I couldn't wait to go to college. I longed for a fresh start. When I started freshman year in college, I made a few friends very quickly in my freshman seminar class. I really started paying attention to my appearance and lost about 25-30 lbs, cut off my hair and got contacts. I immediately felt better about myself and people were attracted to my confidence. (Had I known that was the trick all along, I would have been more confident in high school!). Well, here is where my new found confidence turned into self-sabotage. See, I didn't just gain confidence in myself - I started to think myself better than others. My attitude started to stink. All I wanted to do was gain the attention of the guys in school. I started to keep track of the boys I kissed and kind of made it a game.
I was so proud of my new figure so I went out and bought a bunch of new clothes. But instead of wearing what was attractive on me - I wore what revealed the most. I figured... "If you've got it, flaunt it." It got the the point I was wearing extremely inappropriate clothing just to turn guy's heads. Trust me, I got the attention - but it wasn't the type of attention I wanted. I wanted someone to like me for me but all they could see is the fact that they didn't have to use their imagination when it came to what I looked like.
Then the day came where my mom, older sister and my best friend sat me down in my bedroom and had an intervention with me about how I was dressing. I was attracting guys for all the wrong reasons and those guys had the wrong intentions toward me. Mom shared that God desired purity for me - and from by the way I was dressing I was causing the guys to stumble with impure thoughts and that I would be held accountable for that. They also talked to me about how I was not only revealing my flesh but I was revealing what I felt I was worth. Which for someone who just longs for male attention and dresses to 'get glances', it shows I felt I wasn't worth a real relationship - but only a moment of attention, flirtation and temporary good feelings. I battled them that day. I kept saying they were jealous, that they didn't want me to have any fun, and that I looked good and was going to wear what I wanted to. But then I realized that if my family and best friend was telling me that I looked in appropriate, that meant - in basic terms- they didn't like my outfit. YIKES! For a girl who wanted approval, wearing what I knew wasn't appealing, I was making my family and friends uncomfortable too.
I had convinced myself that I needed to look, slutty - for the lack of a better term, in order to feel better about myself.
Even now - 18 years later, I've watched society tell warped stories to the young men and women of our time. They think they have to wear the short shorts, crop tops, revealing bra straps and cleavage. Some men make the girls feel they have to dress that way to have worth. When I lived in Ukraine back in 2004, we saw so many young women dressing inappropriately. In their culture, they were told one of their only purposes was to find a man and get married. When the Ukrainian College kids came to our camp to learn conversational english, we gave them all a camp t-shirt and made an extra effort to tell the girls (especially the guys on our leadership team) of how beautiful they looked when they were appropriately dressed. We noticed throughout the week the way the girls would change how they dressed! God was faithful and used the guys and girls on our team to teach those girls that they didn't have to dress immodestly to gain attention. They were beautiful just as they were.
I watch young girls now dressing to gain attention - and men only giving them that attention when they are dressed smutty. Men - please step up and let those girls know that they are beautiful wearing modest clothing, not just giving them attention when they look inappropriate. Fathers, it starts with you - reminding your girls they are beautiful inside and out. take them on Daddy-Daughter dates to teach them how they should expect to be treated! (And if a Daddy isn't in the picture - find a man from your church that would be willing to reach out to your daughter). Mothers - remind your daughters that their beauty is internal and once it exists there - it will pour to the outside. And Mothers - take your sons on dates. Teach them how they should treat a lady. It truly starts at home.
And most importantly ... What does God say on this matter? I found this on Focus on the Family's Website...
What the Bible Says About Beauty and Appearance
Some key Scripture verses related to appearance and beauty
Psalm 139:14
What it means: You are created in the image of God, and God doesn't make junk! Like a snowflake, every person is unique. No two are the same. God sees you as a masterpiece; and when you look in the mirror, He wants you to "know that full well." Try this beauty tip: Every morning when you look in the mirror, say Psalm 139:14 and smile. You might even tape the verse on your mirror as a reminder!
1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."What it means: The world focuses on what people look like on the outside. God focuses on what people look like on the inside. Do you put more time and effort into being pretty on the outside or the inside? As you get older, you will meet Christian girls who spend more time trying to find the perfect outfit, get the perfect tan, find the perfect lip gloss, and have the perfect body. While there's nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty, we need to make sure it's in balance. God would rather see us work on becoming drop-dead gorgeous on the inside. You know, the kind of girl who talks to Him on a regular basis (prayer) and reads her Bible.
Proverbs 31:3
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.What it means: Beauty fades with age, so if you are more concerned with your outer appearance, you will be unhappy when the wrinkles come and the number on the scale goes up. In fact, did you know that your body may show the beginning signs of aging as early as age twenty? That is why God wants us to "fear" Him. That doesn't mean to be afraid of Him but rather to be in awe of Him and all that He has done. Let me put it to you this way. If you stand two girls next to each other and one is Miss Teen USA whose beauty is limited to physical beauty, and the other young lady is a more average-looking girl who loves the Lord more than anything, she is the more beautiful girl in the eyes of God.
1 Peter 3:3-4
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.What it means: This does not mean it's wrong to braid your hair or wear nice clothes and jewelry. The verse was written to warn women not to follow the customs of some of the Egyptian women who, during that time period, spent hours and hours working on their hair, makeup, and finding the perfect outfit. God would rather see women work on becoming beautiful on the inside — the kind of beauty that lasts forever.
1 Timothy 4:8
Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important, for it promises a reward in both this life and the next.What it means: Exercising and staying in shape is a good thing, but God expects us to stay in shape spiritually by reading our Bibles, praying, and going to church on a regular basis. In other words, there will be plenty of people who put their time and effort into staying in shape but who are out of shape spiritually. If they don't know Jesus Christ, their perfect bodies won't get them through the gates of heaven.
Used by permission. Excerpts taken from 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney c. 2008 B&H Publishing Group.
Learn to love you for You as God sees and loves you! Afterall - He holds our eternity!
Be Blessed!
In Christ,
Heather
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Listening. Obeying...
How often do we beg to hear God's voice? We get stuck in a situation whether it be work related, relationships, friendships, family, school, etc... and then wonder what we are to do? What path God has selected for us. It's a long winding road and often difficult.
A variety of things happen...
1) We hear/feel nothing
2) We feel a no, but are too afraid to let go and trust
3) We are truly unsure if we hear a yes or no
4) We hear a yes (or no) and are obedient.
I had a conversation with a friend today facing a difficult situation. The conversation we had took me back to a situation in my life that I faced and struggled so much with hearing God's voice and being obedient.
It was over a decade ago and I had met a guy I thought I would marry. We had been together for about a year when things in the relationship started getting more difficult. Tension rose, things that used to not be an issue all of the sudden started being problematic. I was in love and told myself time and time again that things would get better, once we got married it would be better.
For my birthday I received a copy of Black Hawk's CD. I loved the songs on it and would listen to it ALL the time. Gradually I found it more and more difficult to listen to them. "I can't see a single storm cloud in the sky, but I sure can smell the rain..." "Lipstick on the wall, goodbye says it all." Just a bit of the lyrics that penetrated my mind and soul. I could sense God telling me through the songs that something was going to change, it was about to end. But, I refused to believe it. I told God that I didn't have the strength to end it. I had a pit in my stomach for weeks. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends nor did I do a lot of dating when I was in high school or college. I couldn't imagine being alone after a year. It got to the point that I couldn't listen to the music anymore because I knew what God was telling me. Finally I resolved, "God, I can't end it with him. If you want us to be apart, you are going to have to have him end it."
Around Christmas time, he felt it was time for us to end. He said he didn't love God anymore. He knew that would be the reason our relationship couldn't work. God had been the focal point of our relationship. I got desperate. I was afraid to lose him, afraid to be alone. I was terrified. I asked over and over again if he was sure, if he 'knew' he didn't love God or if he was just confused. His response gave me hope. He wasn't sure. I told him, "Then we can make it through anything." We stayed together for another two months and then it ended. I was heartbroken. It took two years for my heart to heal and before I was ready to move on.
I share this story so I can tell you what I have learned. Hopefully my situation will give peace and hope to those going through similar situations.
In hindsite, I know that if I had obeyed in the early stages when God said for the relationship to end, it would have hurt but it would have been so less painful in the long run. You see - I spent years trying to heal from something that God tried to protect me from. I'll admit it, it sucked! I had heard God's voice, I felt Him telling me His desire for my world, yet I blatantly refused to believe it, I refused to obey. Then after the relationship ended, I felt abandoned, I felt rejected...not only by my ex but also by God. I couldn't see clearly enough to understand why He would allow me to suffer so much. But you see, He was trying to protect me from the suffering and I refused to allow Him to. I got in the way.
How many out there fear the unknown? Fear being alone? Fear never being loved? Fear of not being accepted for who they are?
I heard in a sermon one time with Campus Crusade for Christ... "Are you who you are looking for." I really pondered that. I figured I was still single for a reason, perhaps I wasn't who I was looking for. You see, I wanted a man who would love me unconditionally, one who would passionately pursue the Lord first and foremost. I wanted a man with a great sense of humor, confident, one who loved his Momma and wanted children. But you see, I wasn't pursuing Christ like I should have. I did just enough to get by. Enough to have the right answers and enough to know the difference between right and wrong. I had to stop and ask myself - do I want a guy who only does enough to get by? Only puts forth 10% effort? Of course not! I wanted a man to pursue me 100%, that respected me and my love for the Lord.
It was then I realized that I needed change in my life. I had to spend the time God blessed me with as a single woman to pursue him, work with the youth group, invest in the girls in my youth group, etc. I was able to focus on others rather than me and my personal situation. God taught me so much through the process. Of course, I wish now that I had listened intially, but what satan meant to tear me down, God used for good.
We serve a big God and he knows the plan he has for us! This morning in church, the quote was shared ..."If you don't let go of what God is asking you too - your hands wont' be free to accept the more amazing gift He wants to give you." Amen...
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
A variety of things happen...
1) We hear/feel nothing
2) We feel a no, but are too afraid to let go and trust
3) We are truly unsure if we hear a yes or no
4) We hear a yes (or no) and are obedient.
I had a conversation with a friend today facing a difficult situation. The conversation we had took me back to a situation in my life that I faced and struggled so much with hearing God's voice and being obedient.
It was over a decade ago and I had met a guy I thought I would marry. We had been together for about a year when things in the relationship started getting more difficult. Tension rose, things that used to not be an issue all of the sudden started being problematic. I was in love and told myself time and time again that things would get better, once we got married it would be better.
For my birthday I received a copy of Black Hawk's CD. I loved the songs on it and would listen to it ALL the time. Gradually I found it more and more difficult to listen to them. "I can't see a single storm cloud in the sky, but I sure can smell the rain..." "Lipstick on the wall, goodbye says it all." Just a bit of the lyrics that penetrated my mind and soul. I could sense God telling me through the songs that something was going to change, it was about to end. But, I refused to believe it. I told God that I didn't have the strength to end it. I had a pit in my stomach for weeks. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends nor did I do a lot of dating when I was in high school or college. I couldn't imagine being alone after a year. It got to the point that I couldn't listen to the music anymore because I knew what God was telling me. Finally I resolved, "God, I can't end it with him. If you want us to be apart, you are going to have to have him end it."
Around Christmas time, he felt it was time for us to end. He said he didn't love God anymore. He knew that would be the reason our relationship couldn't work. God had been the focal point of our relationship. I got desperate. I was afraid to lose him, afraid to be alone. I was terrified. I asked over and over again if he was sure, if he 'knew' he didn't love God or if he was just confused. His response gave me hope. He wasn't sure. I told him, "Then we can make it through anything." We stayed together for another two months and then it ended. I was heartbroken. It took two years for my heart to heal and before I was ready to move on.
I share this story so I can tell you what I have learned. Hopefully my situation will give peace and hope to those going through similar situations.
In hindsite, I know that if I had obeyed in the early stages when God said for the relationship to end, it would have hurt but it would have been so less painful in the long run. You see - I spent years trying to heal from something that God tried to protect me from. I'll admit it, it sucked! I had heard God's voice, I felt Him telling me His desire for my world, yet I blatantly refused to believe it, I refused to obey. Then after the relationship ended, I felt abandoned, I felt rejected...not only by my ex but also by God. I couldn't see clearly enough to understand why He would allow me to suffer so much. But you see, He was trying to protect me from the suffering and I refused to allow Him to. I got in the way.
How many out there fear the unknown? Fear being alone? Fear never being loved? Fear of not being accepted for who they are?
I heard in a sermon one time with Campus Crusade for Christ... "Are you who you are looking for." I really pondered that. I figured I was still single for a reason, perhaps I wasn't who I was looking for. You see, I wanted a man who would love me unconditionally, one who would passionately pursue the Lord first and foremost. I wanted a man with a great sense of humor, confident, one who loved his Momma and wanted children. But you see, I wasn't pursuing Christ like I should have. I did just enough to get by. Enough to have the right answers and enough to know the difference between right and wrong. I had to stop and ask myself - do I want a guy who only does enough to get by? Only puts forth 10% effort? Of course not! I wanted a man to pursue me 100%, that respected me and my love for the Lord.
It was then I realized that I needed change in my life. I had to spend the time God blessed me with as a single woman to pursue him, work with the youth group, invest in the girls in my youth group, etc. I was able to focus on others rather than me and my personal situation. God taught me so much through the process. Of course, I wish now that I had listened intially, but what satan meant to tear me down, God used for good.
We serve a big God and he knows the plan he has for us! This morning in church, the quote was shared ..."If you don't let go of what God is asking you too - your hands wont' be free to accept the more amazing gift He wants to give you." Amen...
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Monday, April 2, 2012
Ten Things To Share With Teenage Girls
My doctor's office posted this blog on their facebook page this week. AMAZING information!! I wanted to make sure I passed this along. Ladies...listen up! And Gentlemen, please pass this along to the ladies in your life!
Thank you! Heather
Ten Things I Want To Tell Teenage Girls
Kate Elizabeth Connor - Lily Pads (www.kateelizabethconnor.com)
March 25, 2012
Thank you! Heather
Ten Things I Want To Tell Teenage Girls
Kate Elizabeth Connor - Lily Pads (www.kateelizabethconnor.com)
March 25, 2012
1. If you choose to wear shirts that show off your boobs, you will attract boys. To be more specific, you will attract the kind of boys that like to look down girls’ shirts. If you want to date a guy who likes to look at other girls’ boobs and chase skirts, then great job; keep it up. If you don’t want to date a guy who ogles at the breasts of other women, then maybe you should stop offering your own breasts up for the ogling. All attention is not equal. You think you want attention, but you don’t. You want respect. All attention is not equal.
2. Don’t go to the tanning bed. You’ll thank me when you go to your high school reunion and you look like you’ve been airbrushed and then photoshopped compared to the tanning bed train wrecks formerly known as classmates – well, at least next to the ones that haven’t died from skin cancer.
3. When you talk about your friends “anonymously” on Facebook, we know exactly who you’re talking about. People are smarter than you think they are. Stop posting passive-aggressive statuses about the myriad of ways your friends disappoint you.
4. Newsflash: the number of times you say “I hate drama” is a pretty good indicator of how much you love drama. Non-dramatic people don’t feel the need to discuss all the drama they didn’t start and aren’t involved in.
5. “Follow your heart” is probably the worst advice ever.
6. Never let a man make you feel weak or inferior because you are an emotional being. Emotion is good; it is nothing to be ashamed of. Emotion makes us better – so long as it remains in it’s proper place: subject to truth and reason.
7. Smoking is not cool.
8. Stop saying things like, “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.” First of all, that’s not true. And second of all, if it is true, you need a perspective shift. Your reputation matters – greatly. You should care what people think of you.
9. Don’t play coy or stupid or helpless to get attention. Don’t pretend something is too heavy so that a boy will carry it for you. Don’t play dumb to stroke someone’s ego. Don’t bat your eyelashes in exchange for attention and expect to be taken seriously, ever. You can’t have it both ways. Either you show the world that you have a brain and passions and skills, or you don’t. There are no damsels in distress managing corporations, running countries, or managing households. The minute you start batting eyelashes, eyelashes is all you’ve got.
10. You are beautiful. You are enough. The world we live in is twisted and broken and for your entire life you will be subjected to all kinds of lies that tell you that you are not enough. You are not thin enough. You are not tan enough. You are not smooth, soft, shiny, firm, tight, fit, silky, blonde, hairless enough. Your teeth are not white enough. Your legs are not long enough. Your clothes are not stylish enough. You are not educated enough. You don’t have enough experience. You are not creative enough.
There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a television industry, (and most unfortunately) a pornography industry: and all of these have unique ways of communicating to bright young women: you are not beautiful, sexy, smart or valuable enough.
You must have the clarity and common sense to know that none of that is true. None of it.
You were created for a purpose, exactly so. You have innate value. You are loved more than you could ever comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are adored. There has never been, and there will never be another you. Therefore, you have unique thoughts to offer the world. They are only yours, and we all lose out if you are too fearful to share them.
You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are enough.
______
Proverbs 31
2. Don’t go to the tanning bed. You’ll thank me when you go to your high school reunion and you look like you’ve been airbrushed and then photoshopped compared to the tanning bed train wrecks formerly known as classmates – well, at least next to the ones that haven’t died from skin cancer.
3. When you talk about your friends “anonymously” on Facebook, we know exactly who you’re talking about. People are smarter than you think they are. Stop posting passive-aggressive statuses about the myriad of ways your friends disappoint you.
4. Newsflash: the number of times you say “I hate drama” is a pretty good indicator of how much you love drama. Non-dramatic people don’t feel the need to discuss all the drama they didn’t start and aren’t involved in.
5. “Follow your heart” is probably the worst advice ever.
6. Never let a man make you feel weak or inferior because you are an emotional being. Emotion is good; it is nothing to be ashamed of. Emotion makes us better – so long as it remains in it’s proper place: subject to truth and reason.
7. Smoking is not cool.
8. Stop saying things like, “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.” First of all, that’s not true. And second of all, if it is true, you need a perspective shift. Your reputation matters – greatly. You should care what people think of you.
9. Don’t play coy or stupid or helpless to get attention. Don’t pretend something is too heavy so that a boy will carry it for you. Don’t play dumb to stroke someone’s ego. Don’t bat your eyelashes in exchange for attention and expect to be taken seriously, ever. You can’t have it both ways. Either you show the world that you have a brain and passions and skills, or you don’t. There are no damsels in distress managing corporations, running countries, or managing households. The minute you start batting eyelashes, eyelashes is all you’ve got.
10. You are beautiful. You are enough. The world we live in is twisted and broken and for your entire life you will be subjected to all kinds of lies that tell you that you are not enough. You are not thin enough. You are not tan enough. You are not smooth, soft, shiny, firm, tight, fit, silky, blonde, hairless enough. Your teeth are not white enough. Your legs are not long enough. Your clothes are not stylish enough. You are not educated enough. You don’t have enough experience. You are not creative enough.
There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a television industry, (and most unfortunately) a pornography industry: and all of these have unique ways of communicating to bright young women: you are not beautiful, sexy, smart or valuable enough.
You must have the clarity and common sense to know that none of that is true. None of it.
You were created for a purpose, exactly so. You have innate value. You are loved more than you could ever comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are adored. There has never been, and there will never be another you. Therefore, you have unique thoughts to offer the world. They are only yours, and we all lose out if you are too fearful to share them.
You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are enough.
______
Proverbs 31
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
To Freeze or Not To Freeze...
So, I'm a wife, a mom to three kids, an event planner and marketing consultant... and still I find facinating things that I wish I would have known a long time ago! (especially in my college years!)
So... to freeze or not to freeze? Since the wonderful website - Pinterest - came along, I have had my eyes opened to a lot, especially making the most of your time in the kitchen.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE to cook! I love trying new recipes, putting food and left overs together to see what I can come up with. Chris and I have had many 'kitchen dates' where we cook together and enjoy a great meal. It's fun to experiment and add great meals to our repertiore.
Well, that's when I realized you can freeze so much more than I ever thought possible. (AND the food still tastes great!) For example, our I Am Second group (iamsecond.com) had a Love Feast for Thanksgiving. I roasted a 22lb turkey, with gravy, and all the fixins. Everyone brought something to add and it was wonderful. BUT...after all our guests ate their fill we had tons of turkey left over and some gravy. So, we put it in a container (freezer appropriate) and put it in the freezer. We pulled it out over Spring Break - mid march and enjoyed turkey, gravy and (freshly made) mashed potatos and corn. It tasted just like it did the day I roasted it and was a fantastic treat!
So - to make it a little easier on the young adults out there - please take this to heart! Especially when you are cooking for one and always seem to have left overs. Leave out a little bit to enjoy taht week and freeze the rest! It will make for a great meal a few weeks or months later.
Here are a list of items you CAN freeze :) I am putting this into practice consistently...it saves money and time. WIN WIN!
I pulled this list off of the Simple Organized Living website... :) It has some great information that I use.
Original content from Simple Organized Living: http://www.simpleorganizedliving.com/2011/02/10/freezable-foods/#ixzz1pgJ8Jh1B
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives
Had I known about these amazing tricks 15 years ago, I would have saved a ton of money in rotten foods. :) Enjoy and learn!
So... to freeze or not to freeze? Since the wonderful website - Pinterest - came along, I have had my eyes opened to a lot, especially making the most of your time in the kitchen.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE to cook! I love trying new recipes, putting food and left overs together to see what I can come up with. Chris and I have had many 'kitchen dates' where we cook together and enjoy a great meal. It's fun to experiment and add great meals to our repertiore.
Well, that's when I realized you can freeze so much more than I ever thought possible. (AND the food still tastes great!) For example, our I Am Second group (iamsecond.com) had a Love Feast for Thanksgiving. I roasted a 22lb turkey, with gravy, and all the fixins. Everyone brought something to add and it was wonderful. BUT...after all our guests ate their fill we had tons of turkey left over and some gravy. So, we put it in a container (freezer appropriate) and put it in the freezer. We pulled it out over Spring Break - mid march and enjoyed turkey, gravy and (freshly made) mashed potatos and corn. It tasted just like it did the day I roasted it and was a fantastic treat!
So - to make it a little easier on the young adults out there - please take this to heart! Especially when you are cooking for one and always seem to have left overs. Leave out a little bit to enjoy taht week and freeze the rest! It will make for a great meal a few weeks or months later.
Here are a list of items you CAN freeze :) I am putting this into practice consistently...it saves money and time. WIN WIN!
I pulled this list off of the Simple Organized Living website... :) It has some great information that I use.
1. Baked Goods:
.I’ve been known for baking huge batches of sweets in one day and then freezing them for our enjoyment over the next few months. This save me tons of time — we LOVE our sweets!
Brownies & Cookies: Yup, I do it all the time. Just put them in resealable bags or storage containers with tight-fitting lids and they’ll last as long as you can resist them!
Breads, Buns, Muffins, and Rolls: Just double-bag them to prevent freezer burn and they should be fine for several months
Cupcakes & Cake: Yes, I’ve frozen cupcakes and even full cakes! You can frost cakes before or after freezing them, but if you use store-bought frosting, you’ll want to wait to frost them until after they defrost…trust me, I know!
Granola: We love homemade granola but if I’m going to make it, I only make a huge batch….and then freeze it in mason jars or zip-top bags.
Pies: I don’t usually freeze pies, but if you do, just make sure to freeze them BEFORE you bake them.
2. Baking Supplies:
.I freeze many of my baking supplies in shoe boxes in our freezer! {Shoe boxes stack well and allow for ventilation.}
Chocolate: I store all my baking chocolates in the freezer because I think they keep for much longer this way and taste “fresher”. Plus it frees up more space in my cabinets.
Nuts: I store all our nuts in the freezer to keep their oils from going rancid. I first heard this tip from Rachel Ray and it seems to work — so it must be true!
Flour and Sugar: While it’s not necessary, I often freeze my flour and sugar — especially in the summer when our house is more humid.
3. Dairy:.
I’ve saved a bunch of money by purchasing dairy products in bulk and freezing them. From my experience, most dairy products should keep for at least 6 months.Butter/Margarine: No trick here, just stick the whole package in the freezer and remove when you’re ready to use.
Block Cheese: I freeze cheese ALL the time, just remember to slice and shred it before you freeze it, otherwise it will crumble.
Cream Cheese: Believe it or not, you can freeze cream cheese. It might be a bit “lumpy” after it defrosts but it still tastes the same.
Milk: I don’t have the need to freeze our milk on a regular basis, but I do it whenever we go on vacation. Just remember to pour about 1 cup of milk out before freezing.
Yogurt: Freeze yogurt for a delicious, healthy treat. I let it defrost a bit before eating so it’s really creamy.
4. Fruits:
.
Before freezing fruit, make sure it’s washed, dried, and divided up into smaller portions. This will make it easy to quickly grab what you need without defrosting the entire batch. Fruits should keep for up to a year if properly sealed.All Fruits: You can pretty much freeze any fruit you plan to use in smoothies because it will get mashed up anyway, however, don’t plan on freezing fruit simply for eating — it will be really soggy.
Berries: I freeze all kinds of berries for pancakes and smoothies. I also keep 2-cup containers of crushed berries to use for making jam, ice-cream toppings or, for berry shortcake.
Bananas: I peel any rotten bananas and put 4 bananas in a bag or freezer container. Then whenever a recipe calls for bananas, I just grab a container to defrost {most recipes call for 3-5 bananas so I figure I’m safe with 4!}
Jams and Jellies: I usually can my jam, but my mom and mother-in-law always freeze it. Freezing jam is quicker and easier…so if you have the freezer space, here are 20 delicious freezer jam recipes to get you started!
5. Herbs & Vegetables:
.
Herbs: I freeze fresh herbs in ice-cube trays to use for soups, stews, and casseroles later in the year. Here’s a free Herb Reference Sheet that explains how you can use and preserve different herbs.
All Veggies: To save myself some time — here is a link to my Vegetable Freezing Worksheet. It’s a list of 20 different vegetables and how to freeze them … and you can print it for free!
6. Meals:
.
I’m always making double batches of our favorite foods to store in the freezer. Then on busy days, I just defrost one in the morning, and it’s usually ready by dinner time.
Soups, Stews, and Broths: I divide these up into 1 or 2 cup portions so they defrost quicker. Here are some of my favorite soup recipes.
Casseroles: I’ve frozen everything from lasagna and fajitas, to enchiladas, chicken dishes, and more! Just make sure all the ingredients are fully cooked before you freeze it. When you’re ready to eat it, just defrost and bake as normal.
Pasta Sauce: We usually never go through an entire batch of pasta sauce in one meal so I just pop the leftovers in the freezer for the next time we eat pasta.
Meat: You can freeze cooked meat, raw meat, ground meat, shredded meat, “whole” meat, etc. Just make sure it’s properly sealed to prevent freezer burn. {I once had a whole turkey in the freezer for about 18 months and it was absolutely delicious when we cooked it!}
Original content from Simple Organized Living: http://www.simpleorganizedliving.com/2011/02/10/freezable-foods/#ixzz1pgJ8Jh1B
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives
Had I known about these amazing tricks 15 years ago, I would have saved a ton of money in rotten foods. :) Enjoy and learn!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Rescue Me...
I read a daily devotional regarding parenting. I figure, I can use all the help I can get. And especially so when the guidance comes from the Word. Today's topic validated my husband and I's efforts, even in the midst of what society deems necessary or worthy.
RESCUE
"A hot-tempered child often gets into trouble. If a parent rescues him from the consequences, he may take advantage of that kindess and the lesson will have to be repeated. How many times have you rescued your child from the consequences of irresponsibility: taking forgotten homework to school, making excuses for them when they are late, or replacing something they carelessly lost only to have the same behavior repeated?
We are called to train our children, but the best way to learn real responsibility is to give them a chance to succeed or fail on their own. One of the hardest things to do is give our kids consequences for poor decisions. It is tough for us to see them 'pay the penalty' and sometimes, we feel their mistakes reflect poorly on us. But just like the person who rescues a hot-tempered man, our parental rescues only postpone the development of responsibility.
Have clear boundaries and expectations for your kids, but allow them to experience the consequences of their decisions."
-- You Version, Parenting by Design
Proverbs 19:19 - "A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty; rescue them, and you will have to do it again."
---
I know this blog's primary focus isn't geared toward parents - but more so toward young adults and teens. But this is a lesson I wish I would have learned twenty years ago. I remember getting frustrated at my parent's rules, guidelines, and boundaries. I remember thinking they were trying to suck the fun out of everything and they didn't want me to 'have any fun.'
I watched friends of mine receive so many more priveleges (i.e. no curfews, parent's purchasing them a car at the age 16, their parents purchased them pretty much anything they wanted). However, now as an adult, I see my friends started drinking at an early age, some got into drugs and sexual relationships. And, now as grown-ups they struggle with those areas, don't grasp the concept of money and many of them find themselves repeating the same 'mistakes' they made as a kid because their parents bailed them out. I watched my parents give unconditional love, and still do, but they laced it with tough love. They didn't do our homework for us, but helped us learn. We had to get a job and do chores if we wanted money - we learned the value of earning our own money and taking care of the things we purchased because we knew we had 'bought it/earned it." And, if something happened to it, we would have to save up again to replace it or fix it.
If we said something mean to a friend, my parents made us go and apologize not only to the child but also to the parent. They only let us play video games and watch movies with their supervision and for limited time in a week. I remember only playing video games on Saturdays and Sundays (and even then, it wasn't a guarantee). They defended us and stood up for us, but I remember full well having to face my own consequences for actions I had either at school, a friend's house or at home. I remember that when I didn't do well in school (mostly because I talked too much and at the WRONG times!) Mom and Dad looked to me to improve. The blame wasn't placed back on the teacher, but fully where it belonged... ON ME.
I now have two step-sons (ages 9 and 6) and a daughter, nearly 1 1/2 yr. I watch my stepsons easily say "I can't do it," "you do it for me," "I don't want to go to bed now," "I don't want to eat veggies...they are gross."
I am 100% sure I said the same things! (We can ask my Mom and Dad for the many stories another day). But now I realize that by saying "I can't" do something means I probably never will because I don't believe in myself or won't dedicate the time to accomplish it. My parent's didn't 'do' things for me because they wanted me to problem solve and figure out how to do it on my own. I had a bedtime so I would get enough sleep and not be sick or exhausted the next day. At meal time, Mom made one meal - and we all ate it! She didn't make something different for each of us sisters. If we didn't eat it, that was fine, but then we didn't get anything else until either snack time or the next meal. And now as a Mom myself I realize it wasn't that Mom was being difficult or mean. It was because she had carefully thought out a healthy, great tasting meal for us to eat and she didn't want to dedicate more time to making three or four meals for one sitting. I don't blame her! With the time in the kitchen - prepping the meal, cooking the meal, serving the meal, cleaning up after the meal. Imagine how much more there would be to do if she had made each of us our own meal!
I also had the thought the other day of how much I took forgranted as a child. That meals would be prepared, clean clothes, toys, craft activities, working on our ABC's and 123's. My husband and I decided to take the kids to the Kansas City Zoo to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We put the kids to bed a little earlier that night so they would be well rested (which this task came with a lot of "I need a drink." "I need to go to the bathroom." "Please turn on a night light." "Please just one more story." "One more hug, kiss and squeak please.") They didn't grasp the concept of how we were looking out for them. Then Chris and I headed to the kitchen and made sandwiches, packed chips, drinks, snacks and fruit to take with us for a picnic. That's when I had the thought, "Man, I never once thought as a kid how the sack lunches got packed. I just knew they would be."
Then he and I cleaned up the kitchen, packed umbrellas (just in case), jackets, Stella's diaper bag became fully stocked...and about 10:00pm we were finally able to sit down and enjoy time with each other. But as we turned on a show we found ourselves drifting off, exhausted. I gained a new appreciation for my parent's that night. I need to remember to say Thank You the next time I see them!
I guess, I say all this to help you see all that your parents do in a different light. Where it seems that they are restricting you, 'holding you back,' and don't want you to have any fun. Please take a moment and think - they must have a reason for doing this, or having that rule, that guideline. I ask you to respect it (even if you don't like it). They are looking out for your best interest.
God calls us to respect our parents and obey - and He calls our parents to raise us up in His likeness. :) Let's allow them to do that.
RESCUE
"A hot-tempered child often gets into trouble. If a parent rescues him from the consequences, he may take advantage of that kindess and the lesson will have to be repeated. How many times have you rescued your child from the consequences of irresponsibility: taking forgotten homework to school, making excuses for them when they are late, or replacing something they carelessly lost only to have the same behavior repeated?
We are called to train our children, but the best way to learn real responsibility is to give them a chance to succeed or fail on their own. One of the hardest things to do is give our kids consequences for poor decisions. It is tough for us to see them 'pay the penalty' and sometimes, we feel their mistakes reflect poorly on us. But just like the person who rescues a hot-tempered man, our parental rescues only postpone the development of responsibility.
Have clear boundaries and expectations for your kids, but allow them to experience the consequences of their decisions."
-- You Version, Parenting by Design
Proverbs 19:19 - "A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty; rescue them, and you will have to do it again."
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I know this blog's primary focus isn't geared toward parents - but more so toward young adults and teens. But this is a lesson I wish I would have learned twenty years ago. I remember getting frustrated at my parent's rules, guidelines, and boundaries. I remember thinking they were trying to suck the fun out of everything and they didn't want me to 'have any fun.'
I watched friends of mine receive so many more priveleges (i.e. no curfews, parent's purchasing them a car at the age 16, their parents purchased them pretty much anything they wanted). However, now as an adult, I see my friends started drinking at an early age, some got into drugs and sexual relationships. And, now as grown-ups they struggle with those areas, don't grasp the concept of money and many of them find themselves repeating the same 'mistakes' they made as a kid because their parents bailed them out. I watched my parents give unconditional love, and still do, but they laced it with tough love. They didn't do our homework for us, but helped us learn. We had to get a job and do chores if we wanted money - we learned the value of earning our own money and taking care of the things we purchased because we knew we had 'bought it/earned it." And, if something happened to it, we would have to save up again to replace it or fix it.
If we said something mean to a friend, my parents made us go and apologize not only to the child but also to the parent. They only let us play video games and watch movies with their supervision and for limited time in a week. I remember only playing video games on Saturdays and Sundays (and even then, it wasn't a guarantee). They defended us and stood up for us, but I remember full well having to face my own consequences for actions I had either at school, a friend's house or at home. I remember that when I didn't do well in school (mostly because I talked too much and at the WRONG times!) Mom and Dad looked to me to improve. The blame wasn't placed back on the teacher, but fully where it belonged... ON ME.
I now have two step-sons (ages 9 and 6) and a daughter, nearly 1 1/2 yr. I watch my stepsons easily say "I can't do it," "you do it for me," "I don't want to go to bed now," "I don't want to eat veggies...they are gross."
I am 100% sure I said the same things! (We can ask my Mom and Dad for the many stories another day). But now I realize that by saying "I can't" do something means I probably never will because I don't believe in myself or won't dedicate the time to accomplish it. My parent's didn't 'do' things for me because they wanted me to problem solve and figure out how to do it on my own. I had a bedtime so I would get enough sleep and not be sick or exhausted the next day. At meal time, Mom made one meal - and we all ate it! She didn't make something different for each of us sisters. If we didn't eat it, that was fine, but then we didn't get anything else until either snack time or the next meal. And now as a Mom myself I realize it wasn't that Mom was being difficult or mean. It was because she had carefully thought out a healthy, great tasting meal for us to eat and she didn't want to dedicate more time to making three or four meals for one sitting. I don't blame her! With the time in the kitchen - prepping the meal, cooking the meal, serving the meal, cleaning up after the meal. Imagine how much more there would be to do if she had made each of us our own meal!
I also had the thought the other day of how much I took forgranted as a child. That meals would be prepared, clean clothes, toys, craft activities, working on our ABC's and 123's. My husband and I decided to take the kids to the Kansas City Zoo to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We put the kids to bed a little earlier that night so they would be well rested (which this task came with a lot of "I need a drink." "I need to go to the bathroom." "Please turn on a night light." "Please just one more story." "One more hug, kiss and squeak please.") They didn't grasp the concept of how we were looking out for them. Then Chris and I headed to the kitchen and made sandwiches, packed chips, drinks, snacks and fruit to take with us for a picnic. That's when I had the thought, "Man, I never once thought as a kid how the sack lunches got packed. I just knew they would be."
Then he and I cleaned up the kitchen, packed umbrellas (just in case), jackets, Stella's diaper bag became fully stocked...and about 10:00pm we were finally able to sit down and enjoy time with each other. But as we turned on a show we found ourselves drifting off, exhausted. I gained a new appreciation for my parent's that night. I need to remember to say Thank You the next time I see them!
I guess, I say all this to help you see all that your parents do in a different light. Where it seems that they are restricting you, 'holding you back,' and don't want you to have any fun. Please take a moment and think - they must have a reason for doing this, or having that rule, that guideline. I ask you to respect it (even if you don't like it). They are looking out for your best interest.
God calls us to respect our parents and obey - and He calls our parents to raise us up in His likeness. :) Let's allow them to do that.
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