I read a daily devotional regarding parenting. I figure, I can use all the help I can get. And especially so when the guidance comes from the Word. Today's topic validated my husband and I's efforts, even in the midst of what society deems necessary or worthy.
RESCUE
"A hot-tempered child often gets into trouble. If a parent rescues him from the consequences, he may take advantage of that kindess and the lesson will have to be repeated. How many times have you rescued your child from the consequences of irresponsibility: taking forgotten homework to school, making excuses for them when they are late, or replacing something they carelessly lost only to have the same behavior repeated?
We are called to train our children, but the best way to learn real responsibility is to give them a chance to succeed or fail on their own. One of the hardest things to do is give our kids consequences for poor decisions. It is tough for us to see them 'pay the penalty' and sometimes, we feel their mistakes reflect poorly on us. But just like the person who rescues a hot-tempered man, our parental rescues only postpone the development of responsibility.
Have clear boundaries and expectations for your kids, but allow them to experience the consequences of their decisions."
-- You Version, Parenting by Design
Proverbs 19:19 - "A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty; rescue them, and you will have to do it again."
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I know this blog's primary focus isn't geared toward parents - but more so toward young adults and teens. But this is a lesson I wish I would have learned twenty years ago. I remember getting frustrated at my parent's rules, guidelines, and boundaries. I remember thinking they were trying to suck the fun out of everything and they didn't want me to 'have any fun.'
I watched friends of mine receive so many more priveleges (i.e. no curfews, parent's purchasing them a car at the age 16, their parents purchased them pretty much anything they wanted). However, now as an adult, I see my friends started drinking at an early age, some got into drugs and sexual relationships. And, now as grown-ups they struggle with those areas, don't grasp the concept of money and many of them find themselves repeating the same 'mistakes' they made as a kid because their parents bailed them out. I watched my parents give unconditional love, and still do, but they laced it with tough love. They didn't do our homework for us, but helped us learn. We had to get a job and do chores if we wanted money - we learned the value of earning our own money and taking care of the things we purchased because we knew we had 'bought it/earned it." And, if something happened to it, we would have to save up again to replace it or fix it.
If we said something mean to a friend, my parents made us go and apologize not only to the child but also to the parent. They only let us play video games and watch movies with their supervision and for limited time in a week. I remember only playing video games on Saturdays and Sundays (and even then, it wasn't a guarantee). They defended us and stood up for us, but I remember full well having to face my own consequences for actions I had either at school, a friend's house or at home. I remember that when I didn't do well in school (mostly because I talked too much and at the WRONG times!) Mom and Dad looked to me to improve. The blame wasn't placed back on the teacher, but fully where it belonged... ON ME.
I now have two step-sons (ages 9 and 6) and a daughter, nearly 1 1/2 yr. I watch my stepsons easily say "I can't do it," "you do it for me," "I don't want to go to bed now," "I don't want to eat veggies...they are gross."
I am 100% sure I said the same things! (We can ask my Mom and Dad for the many stories another day). But now I realize that by saying "I can't" do something means I probably never will because I don't believe in myself or won't dedicate the time to accomplish it. My parent's didn't 'do' things for me because they wanted me to problem solve and figure out how to do it on my own. I had a bedtime so I would get enough sleep and not be sick or exhausted the next day. At meal time, Mom made one meal - and we all ate it! She didn't make something different for each of us sisters. If we didn't eat it, that was fine, but then we didn't get anything else until either snack time or the next meal. And now as a Mom myself I realize it wasn't that Mom was being difficult or mean. It was because she had carefully thought out a healthy, great tasting meal for us to eat and she didn't want to dedicate more time to making three or four meals for one sitting. I don't blame her! With the time in the kitchen - prepping the meal, cooking the meal, serving the meal, cleaning up after the meal. Imagine how much more there would be to do if she had made each of us our own meal!
I also had the thought the other day of how much I took forgranted as a child. That meals would be prepared, clean clothes, toys, craft activities, working on our ABC's and 123's. My husband and I decided to take the kids to the Kansas City Zoo to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We put the kids to bed a little earlier that night so they would be well rested (which this task came with a lot of "I need a drink." "I need to go to the bathroom." "Please turn on a night light." "Please just one more story." "One more hug, kiss and squeak please.") They didn't grasp the concept of how we were looking out for them. Then Chris and I headed to the kitchen and made sandwiches, packed chips, drinks, snacks and fruit to take with us for a picnic. That's when I had the thought, "Man, I never once thought as a kid how the sack lunches got packed. I just knew they would be."
Then he and I cleaned up the kitchen, packed umbrellas (just in case), jackets, Stella's diaper bag became fully stocked...and about 10:00pm we were finally able to sit down and enjoy time with each other. But as we turned on a show we found ourselves drifting off, exhausted. I gained a new appreciation for my parent's that night. I need to remember to say Thank You the next time I see them!
I guess, I say all this to help you see all that your parents do in a different light. Where it seems that they are restricting you, 'holding you back,' and don't want you to have any fun. Please take a moment and think - they must have a reason for doing this, or having that rule, that guideline. I ask you to respect it (even if you don't like it). They are looking out for your best interest.
God calls us to respect our parents and obey - and He calls our parents to raise us up in His likeness. :) Let's allow them to do that.
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