How often do we beg to hear God's voice? We get stuck in a situation whether it be work related, relationships, friendships, family, school, etc... and then wonder what we are to do? What path God has selected for us. It's a long winding road and often difficult.
A variety of things happen...
1) We hear/feel nothing
2) We feel a no, but are too afraid to let go and trust
3) We are truly unsure if we hear a yes or no
4) We hear a yes (or no) and are obedient.
I had a conversation with a friend today facing a difficult situation. The conversation we had took me back to a situation in my life that I faced and struggled so much with hearing God's voice and being obedient.
It was over a decade ago and I had met a guy I thought I would marry. We had been together for about a year when things in the relationship started getting more difficult. Tension rose, things that used to not be an issue all of the sudden started being problematic. I was in love and told myself time and time again that things would get better, once we got married it would be better.
For my birthday I received a copy of Black Hawk's CD. I loved the songs on it and would listen to it ALL the time. Gradually I found it more and more difficult to listen to them. "I can't see a single storm cloud in the sky, but I sure can smell the rain..." "Lipstick on the wall, goodbye says it all." Just a bit of the lyrics that penetrated my mind and soul. I could sense God telling me through the songs that something was going to change, it was about to end. But, I refused to believe it. I told God that I didn't have the strength to end it. I had a pit in my stomach for weeks. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends nor did I do a lot of dating when I was in high school or college. I couldn't imagine being alone after a year. It got to the point that I couldn't listen to the music anymore because I knew what God was telling me. Finally I resolved, "God, I can't end it with him. If you want us to be apart, you are going to have to have him end it."
Around Christmas time, he felt it was time for us to end. He said he didn't love God anymore. He knew that would be the reason our relationship couldn't work. God had been the focal point of our relationship. I got desperate. I was afraid to lose him, afraid to be alone. I was terrified. I asked over and over again if he was sure, if he 'knew' he didn't love God or if he was just confused. His response gave me hope. He wasn't sure. I told him, "Then we can make it through anything." We stayed together for another two months and then it ended. I was heartbroken. It took two years for my heart to heal and before I was ready to move on.
I share this story so I can tell you what I have learned. Hopefully my situation will give peace and hope to those going through similar situations.
In hindsite, I know that if I had obeyed in the early stages when God said for the relationship to end, it would have hurt but it would have been so less painful in the long run. You see - I spent years trying to heal from something that God tried to protect me from. I'll admit it, it sucked! I had heard God's voice, I felt Him telling me His desire for my world, yet I blatantly refused to believe it, I refused to obey. Then after the relationship ended, I felt abandoned, I felt rejected...not only by my ex but also by God. I couldn't see clearly enough to understand why He would allow me to suffer so much. But you see, He was trying to protect me from the suffering and I refused to allow Him to. I got in the way.
How many out there fear the unknown? Fear being alone? Fear never being loved? Fear of not being accepted for who they are?
I heard in a sermon one time with Campus Crusade for Christ... "Are you who you are looking for." I really pondered that. I figured I was still single for a reason, perhaps I wasn't who I was looking for. You see, I wanted a man who would love me unconditionally, one who would passionately pursue the Lord first and foremost. I wanted a man with a great sense of humor, confident, one who loved his Momma and wanted children. But you see, I wasn't pursuing Christ like I should have. I did just enough to get by. Enough to have the right answers and enough to know the difference between right and wrong. I had to stop and ask myself - do I want a guy who only does enough to get by? Only puts forth 10% effort? Of course not! I wanted a man to pursue me 100%, that respected me and my love for the Lord.
It was then I realized that I needed change in my life. I had to spend the time God blessed me with as a single woman to pursue him, work with the youth group, invest in the girls in my youth group, etc. I was able to focus on others rather than me and my personal situation. God taught me so much through the process. Of course, I wish now that I had listened intially, but what satan meant to tear me down, God used for good.
We serve a big God and he knows the plan he has for us! This morning in church, the quote was shared ..."If you don't let go of what God is asking you too - your hands wont' be free to accept the more amazing gift He wants to give you." Amen...
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
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