I've always been a late bloomer. At first I hated it but I have now grown to love that aspect of my character. I was always the littliest kid in my class in elementary and middle school. When I got my driver's license I was 4'8" and weighed 98lbs. I am the second girl in a family with three girls - so you can imagine I had 'middle kid' syndrom and lived off my sister's hand-me-downs. I felt doomed from the beginning. :( Well - About my Junior/Senior year I finally started to "look" like a girl, yet it seemed to be years behind all the other girls. I really struggled with that.
I suffered from low self-esteem. I wanted more than anything to have a boyfriend and to have the popular crowd to think I was worth their time. I didn't go on my first date until I was 16 years old. And the guy that asked me was really more interested in my best friend. He had asked me out on a date (even drove to my house to ask in person), but I told him I already had plans with my friend. He went to the trouble to find her a date so we could double date. I was so excited until he spent all his time with her, paid her way and even sent her flowers afterwards telling her what a great time he had had. I struggled a lot with that type of treatment.
I couldn't wait to go to college. I longed for a fresh start. When I started freshman year in college, I made a few friends very quickly in my freshman seminar class. I really started paying attention to my appearance and lost about 25-30 lbs, cut off my hair and got contacts. I immediately felt better about myself and people were attracted to my confidence. (Had I known that was the trick all along, I would have been more confident in high school!). Well, here is where my new found confidence turned into self-sabotage. See, I didn't just gain confidence in myself - I started to think myself better than others. My attitude started to stink. All I wanted to do was gain the attention of the guys in school. I started to keep track of the boys I kissed and kind of made it a game.
I was so proud of my new figure so I went out and bought a bunch of new clothes. But instead of wearing what was attractive on me - I wore what revealed the most. I figured... "If you've got it, flaunt it." It got the the point I was wearing extremely inappropriate clothing just to turn guy's heads. Trust me, I got the attention - but it wasn't the type of attention I wanted. I wanted someone to like me for me but all they could see is the fact that they didn't have to use their imagination when it came to what I looked like.
Then the day came where my mom, older sister and my best friend sat me down in my bedroom and had an intervention with me about how I was dressing. I was attracting guys for all the wrong reasons and those guys had the wrong intentions toward me. Mom shared that God desired purity for me - and from by the way I was dressing I was causing the guys to stumble with impure thoughts and that I would be held accountable for that. They also talked to me about how I was not only revealing my flesh but I was revealing what I felt I was worth. Which for someone who just longs for male attention and dresses to 'get glances', it shows I felt I wasn't worth a real relationship - but only a moment of attention, flirtation and temporary good feelings. I battled them that day. I kept saying they were jealous, that they didn't want me to have any fun, and that I looked good and was going to wear what I wanted to. But then I realized that if my family and best friend was telling me that I looked in appropriate, that meant - in basic terms- they didn't like my outfit. YIKES! For a girl who wanted approval, wearing what I knew wasn't appealing, I was making my family and friends uncomfortable too.
I had convinced myself that I needed to look, slutty - for the lack of a better term, in order to feel better about myself.
Even now - 18 years later, I've watched society tell warped stories to the young men and women of our time. They think they have to wear the short shorts, crop tops, revealing bra straps and cleavage. Some men make the girls feel they have to dress that way to have worth. When I lived in Ukraine back in 2004, we saw so many young women dressing inappropriately. In their culture, they were told one of their only purposes was to find a man and get married. When the Ukrainian College kids came to our camp to learn conversational english, we gave them all a camp t-shirt and made an extra effort to tell the girls (especially the guys on our leadership team) of how beautiful they looked when they were appropriately dressed. We noticed throughout the week the way the girls would change how they dressed! God was faithful and used the guys and girls on our team to teach those girls that they didn't have to dress immodestly to gain attention. They were beautiful just as they were.
I watch young girls now dressing to gain attention - and men only giving them that attention when they are dressed smutty. Men - please step up and let those girls know that they are beautiful wearing modest clothing, not just giving them attention when they look inappropriate. Fathers, it starts with you - reminding your girls they are beautiful inside and out. take them on Daddy-Daughter dates to teach them how they should expect to be treated! (And if a Daddy isn't in the picture - find a man from your church that would be willing to reach out to your daughter). Mothers - remind your daughters that their beauty is internal and once it exists there - it will pour to the outside. And Mothers - take your sons on dates. Teach them how they should treat a lady. It truly starts at home.
And most importantly ... What does God say on this matter? I found this on Focus on the Family's Website...
What the Bible Says About Beauty and Appearance
Some key Scripture verses related to appearance and beauty
Psalm 139:14
What it means: You are created in the image of God, and God doesn't make junk! Like a snowflake, every person is unique. No two are the same. God sees you as a masterpiece; and when you look in the mirror, He wants you to "know that full well." Try this beauty tip: Every morning when you look in the mirror, say Psalm 139:14 and smile. You might even tape the verse on your mirror as a reminder!
1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."What it means: The world focuses on what people look like on the outside. God focuses on what people look like on the inside. Do you put more time and effort into being pretty on the outside or the inside? As you get older, you will meet Christian girls who spend more time trying to find the perfect outfit, get the perfect tan, find the perfect lip gloss, and have the perfect body. While there's nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty, we need to make sure it's in balance. God would rather see us work on becoming drop-dead gorgeous on the inside. You know, the kind of girl who talks to Him on a regular basis (prayer) and reads her Bible.
Proverbs 31:3
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.What it means: Beauty fades with age, so if you are more concerned with your outer appearance, you will be unhappy when the wrinkles come and the number on the scale goes up. In fact, did you know that your body may show the beginning signs of aging as early as age twenty? That is why God wants us to "fear" Him. That doesn't mean to be afraid of Him but rather to be in awe of Him and all that He has done. Let me put it to you this way. If you stand two girls next to each other and one is Miss Teen USA whose beauty is limited to physical beauty, and the other young lady is a more average-looking girl who loves the Lord more than anything, she is the more beautiful girl in the eyes of God.
1 Peter 3:3-4
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.What it means: This does not mean it's wrong to braid your hair or wear nice clothes and jewelry. The verse was written to warn women not to follow the customs of some of the Egyptian women who, during that time period, spent hours and hours working on their hair, makeup, and finding the perfect outfit. God would rather see women work on becoming beautiful on the inside — the kind of beauty that lasts forever.
1 Timothy 4:8
Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important, for it promises a reward in both this life and the next.What it means: Exercising and staying in shape is a good thing, but God expects us to stay in shape spiritually by reading our Bibles, praying, and going to church on a regular basis. In other words, there will be plenty of people who put their time and effort into staying in shape but who are out of shape spiritually. If they don't know Jesus Christ, their perfect bodies won't get them through the gates of heaven.
Used by permission. Excerpts taken from 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney c. 2008 B&H Publishing Group.
Learn to love you for You as God sees and loves you! Afterall - He holds our eternity!
Be Blessed!
In Christ,
Heather
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